What it means to be versatile

Ok so I’ve been pondering this for some time and quite frankly I’m lost with the whole notion. Throughout my million chats along all sorts of sites, I’ve encountered all sorts of men in the bear world but one thing confuses me. It seems that we as bears have a hard time pin pointing our sexual position. Are we Tops, Bottoms or Versatile? The first two seem self explanatory enough and I find these types of bears very secure and confidant in their quest for sex. But there also seems to be some form of sub group amongst them. So I’ve dissected the Tops, the Bottoms and those funny creatures who call themselves Versatile men into three groups. And here they are:

The Top

True Tops: I always pictured a Top to be a very dominant and aggressive man sexually. You know who you are. The one who flips you over in bed before you even have time to take off those sexy Calvin’s! It’s either that or you’re having a close encounter with your ankles! You may hear yourself say: “Wow, I’m flexible after all!”

But then to confuse matters there are tops that are somewhat submissive. They like to fuck however don’t really want to be dominant. I call them:

Lazy Tops: They would rather you do all the work. This guy sort of expects you to earn it. You often hear this guy say: “Hey why don’t you hop up on this buddy”, or “Don’t be shy. Let me lie back here while I watch you do all the work. ” I mean really.

Now when you think it can’t get any more confusing with these guys there is one more:

Flop Tops: Well they say they’re tops but then they change their mind. Seems they always get a case of the I-want-to-try-to-bottom-for-my-first-time-and-I-want-to-do-it-with-you syndrome. Ya! Like I would ever be the first in THAT tunnel of love.....

The Bottom

110% Bottoms, aka the dead fuck: Seriously. This type of guy puts his butt in the air and waits. Don’t ever have outdoor sex with this guy because if it rains, he’s bound to fill up and float away! I had to ask a guy once what 110% bottom meant. He said he does not provide oral service and prefers none to be performed on him. He is there for the explicit pleasure of receiving anal sex. Wow... BOARING! Honey they call it dead for a reason!


Basic Bottoms: They do all the stuff tops do except they receive. Easy enough right? I also find these guys want to make you breakfast in bed... hmm weird. They do make a nice omelette though...

The aggressive Bottom: Bless these men. Ha! Ha! They are dominant, aggressive, take the lead and then take it! Rest assured they confuse Tops and tend to want to lead the way. Most Tops will oblige but in the end they always show the Bottom who’s in control. They tend to be the butt of all jokes. (Yes pun intended)

The Versatile

Ok, there is only one category for this guy. Bottom. Period. I’ve never met so many men who claim to be versatile and they are TOTAL Bottoms lol. If you pair up with a mate to have sex and he says: “I’ll go first then I’ll do you after” chances are you’re not getting any. In all fairness there are true versatile men out there. A buddy of mine from New Brunswick and his partner flip flop every night as they claim to be 100% versatile. They take turns. Every night. But then I thought about that and the fact that they’ve been together for 10yrs and I think it’s a bit odd. I mean what happens if one of them wants to be the bottom but not the top the next night? What do you do when you both want to be the bottom? Draw straws? Do you start keeping track? “Ok, so I’ve bottomed three times this week, you owe me!” It’s all so clinical and complicated now. Personally I can’t see myself keeping a “fuck sheet” beside my night stand with the lube and the poppers! Noticed how I forgot to ask about the fact that they are still having sexy every night after 10 years? A smell a follow up story there...

So to wrap up let me say this. Does it really matter? Are we not all out to have fun, safe and healthy sexual relationships? I don’t think of Bottoms as less male than their Top counterparts or vice versa. The Versatile guys well... you need more work. Maybe some therapy would help work out the lack of nurturing parental needs while growing up? Or what I like to say to guys who are a bit up tight; “You need a good fuck!” At any rate we should all show some versatility in our interaction within our sexual community. Worry less about finding what box fits you and focus more on how many boxes you can fit into!
Until next time, Top of the mornin’ to ya and Bottom’s up or maybe a bit of both!

Big warm bear hugs,

MOB09

Toronto Pride, a gay celebration?

Ok so I got back last night late in the pm after spending 4 days in Toronto for Pride. This was not my first trip to Pride. I was there plenty of times when I lived there in the early 90’s and after a long absence was there last year.
Things have changed. Dramatically. Even since last year. Gone are the days of actual protests. No more marching for queer rights. Gone are the days of awkward police presence, the lack of media coverage and the people who used to go watch the parade for the sole purpose to “look at all the freaks”.
Today, Toronto Pride is world renown. Embraced by the city, promoted by stores, pride flags everywhere and it has become one big party. Or has it? Something that used to be celebrated from College and Church to Yonge up to Isabella and back down Church as morphed into something city wide.
I so don’t want to be disrespectful to the Toronto LGBTQT community but it is no longer a “gay” event. It has been taken over by corporations hungry to make money off the all mighty queer dollar. You see, businesses figured out a few years back that queers spent money and they were missing out. This is ever so present at The Bay (the flagship store on Queen St) with all the pride flags and logo’s of “Proud “everywhere. At first glance, people must think, “What a progressive city this is! The LGBTQT community is loved and embraced by everyone.” Regretfully what is loved and embraced is your money. What was different this year from the others is that everyone was selling something. From t-shirts, to mugs, wrist bands, flags, watches, pamphlets, tattoos, bandanas, dog collars and oh my! The list goes on. I felt like I was walking in the market district in Cuba with kids thrusting t-shirts and souvenirs in my face for a buck. I was appalled to see the RCMP asking people it they wanted a bracelet only to find out they do charged a small fee. All of the traditional info vendors had been pushed to the side streets off Church to make way for food vendors and money makers. The worst thing was the group of people holding up binders in your face asking you to help sick kids, for a price of course. What does a sick child have to do with Pride? They were clearly there for money making and that was beyond tasteless.
Not all was bad. I did walk through the village and saw some of my favourite vendors, chatted with friends I had not seen in a long time or guys I chat with on Bear411 and Bearforest. I did attend the Beef Ball. It hurt to pay $40 plus for tickets just to get in the door. But it was well worth it. No waiting in line and there was beer a plenty! The music was not my favourite choice but I still managed to move around. Funny thing was that I saw more bears and leather guys from everywhere else BUT Toronto. Have the bears given up on their own city? There is a huge rift in the community and I will not get into that right now. That’s for another time. I will say this. As Mr. Ottawa Bear I will not take sides with any particular part of the Bear community. I was invited to participate in a Bear event but was asked that if I did I could not go to the Beef Ball. So I opted out. I let this visit to Toronto be about embracing all aspects of Pride and I will not side with one particular group. Enough said about that for now. The shuttle service to and from the event was worth it as well. Beats taking a cab as the event is on Queen St East.
At the end of the day, my trip to Toronto was ok. It was not fantastic or amazing, it was ok. Maybe we don’t need parades and week-long celebrations to make claim as to who we are? Maybe we’ve accomplished all we set out to do with few barriers left to break down? I doubt it. No Pride celebrations would be as silly as no Canada Day. Whatever you decide to do for Pride celebrations remember those who made it possible. Remember those who fought for your rights to same sex benefits, legalized gay marriage, decriminalize homosexuality, to make it ok to hold your partners hand and to stand up for what you believe in.
I recently raised the pride flag at Bank of America for a community fair early in June. It was the first time in BoA corporate history that they flew the pride flag. I stood in the pouring rain hoisting the flag and thought about Gilbert Baker, one of Harvey Milk’s good friends, who created the pride flag. It occurred to me how proud they would be, these two great men from San Francisco that some 30 years down the road a Mr. Bear in an unofficial role would raise the flag that Gilbert Baker created. It was a moving moment. I understood the meaning of Gay Pride.
With respect to Toronto, maybe I needed to take off my jaded colored glasses and take a closer look at what Pride really had to offer?
Until next time, big warm bear hugs
MOB09

Bed Bath and Way Beyond! A guide to the Ottawa Baths

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Sugar Rush!

OK! I know! After professing that I would be on here more often that didn’t happen. So now I have a million things to tell you so get ready for a series of blogs.

Last March the boys from Montreal held their 5th annual Sugarbear weekend! (March26th to 29th) Woot! What a rush! All those hot hairy bears, warm weather and the trip to the sugar shack went straight to my head. (Yes pun intended). (Please visit www.sugarbearweekend.com)
I arrived on the Thursday night for their meet and greet at Bar Stud (www.studbar.com). Someone should have told me that they spell “meet” in Montreal “meat” because...well let’s just say they’re very friendly men. I’m not complaining, don’t get me wrong. Mr. Ottawa Bear does love the attention, although I should have worn a sign that said: “rub here” HAHAHAHAHA!

Friday brought more fun at the bear fashion show sponsored be evenours. (www.evenours.org). The boys from the fashion show invited Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009 as they where presenting local winners from various contest so I was honoured to be there. I had a great time at the rehearsal as I got to see the guts of a show getting put together. The evening started off with a diner, followed by the fashion show and of course, yours truly, ran on stage to strut his stuff. I had a blast! What a great crowd!

Saturday we all met in front of Bar Stud and boarded the yellow buses and set off for the sugar shack. OK here’s the thing, if you are meeting a bunch of bears heading off to the sugar shack early in the morning, try to get to bed before 5am so that you are coherent on the ride there! I slept most of the way. I didn’t sleep on the way back as some of the bears decided that they were determined to bring Broadway into the bus. It was either Broadway of some very harsh barber quartet. Either way don’t quit your day job guys! Sorry......
But the sugar shack was awesome! I had a great time. I’ve been to a sugar shack in New Brunswick when I was a kid so it was like going back in time. The music, the atmosphere, the long lumber jack tables full of food, the maple toffee... if you have never been it is a must. The sugar shack it truly Canadian iconic. I think everyone should experience it at least once in their life.

So with a full belly of food and maple candy to last me at least a trip back to Ottawa we headed back to Stud Bar for a beer compliments of Labatt’s. Thank you Labatt’s! You’re products taste even better when it’s free! Saturday night was followed by a dance party at Bain Mathieu, and then everyone migrated back to the village for last call. I managed to get back to my hotel in time to change and catch the 12:30pm but back to Ottawa. I unfortunately had to leave a bit early and I missed the last part of the weekend. They had a lumberjack competition. Hmmm now that would have been fun to watch. I heard it was a blast. Sawdust and fur everywhere I’m sure lol!

I cannot say enough about the weekend. It was a fantastic time. I met guys from all over Canada and as far away as Kentucky. I also met a wonderful couple for New York City that plan on moving to Canada. They truly love this Country. Who can blame them it’s the best in the world (minus the crappy conservatives but hopefully that will change).
To the organizers at sugarbear, in particular, Michel and Nick, to the boys from evenours, Yan, Yves, Martin, that you all for making me feel at home. Your hospitability and kindness stays close to my heart.

To those who attended, see you next year! For those who did not, guys you missed out! You have to go! See you all at sugarbear 2010!
Big warm bear hugs,

MOB09

Twenty, Thirty, Forty something

Today was an interesting day. As I sit down to bring an end to Sunday’s events, a million things run through my mind; however, this one stands out the most.
The oursottawabears held their monthly brunch at Father’s & Sons restaurant. I was surprised that I actually had a good time with a university crowd. Father’s & Sons is smack in the middle of the University of Ottawa campus on 112 ½ Osgoode St. This place is loud and busy spot full of young kids.
I think as we age we fear young people. We think that they will never understand who we are and look at us more or less like a parental figurehead who “just doesn’t get it” anymore. Maybe that’s my own paranoia being that I’m a step dad to a 20 year old university kid. Whichever the case, one guy asked me if I was the “bear dude leader” so I sort of said yes (sorry Angus I took credit this time) and he just said “ah kewl”. I won someone’s approval today that old people contribute to society in some fashion. Most looked at this group of mature, furry, extra pounds-of-love-handles types with mild curiosity. While I don’t think that they knew the full nature of our organisation, I do think that the students understood that we all share a common theme of belonging and of brotherhood.
When you see young kids and they are acting crazy and loud remember we’ve all been down that road. They don’t have the 20 years plus on their belts that we do and have not developed their socially acceptable adult skill set. And really, don’t we all act silly and crazy when we go out with our friends? Are we really on our best behaviour as adults all the time? I think not. How boring if we where... Better yet if you see me turn into to someone like that, come over and bitch slap me! Trust me, it would be my pleasure to do it to you!!!
The point to this lesson today is about respect. Appreciate the fact that young and old, big or little, furry or not, we all come out to be with people we like to have a great time. We want to be heard, be loud, be seen and loved.
It’s ok to be silly. After all, that twenty year old lives in all of us...

Until next time
MOB09

Starting Fresh

First let me just say that I am normally up to speed on things. My intention to create a blog was to keep everyone informed of my rendition of events and things of interest in the City. Sorry peeps, two posts just doesn’t cut it.
I have been busy with many things and deathly ill with a sinus infection at the same time. Before we get into the “what not to do while taking antibiotics” I’ll talk about this and that in the community.
The February brunch for the Ottawa Bears was held at The Black Thorn in the market. Check them out at www.theblackthorn.ca . Nice place, great atmosphere and gay friendly. They have to be if they are going to have 36 big old burly bears show up with empty bellies and a big appetite! However I’ve yet to meet an establishment that is not gay friendly to the tons of queer dollars we spend on them! Lol Seriously thank you Black Thorn for letting the Ottawa Bears host their brunch in your establishment.
The main focus in February was to get things sorted out with the Ottawa Bears board and the annual general meeting. I literally spent the month making contacts and encouraging everyone to sign up, join, and become a member and vote! The end result, a new board! But it gets better. A new board, a new website, fresh ideas and we added 33 NEW MEMBERS!!! A huge success and thank you to everyone who listened to me babble nonstop over the past month. We’ve got some great guys on board and they will no doubt do some amazing things. Angus Mac Isaac is the president and with that brings allot of enthusiasm. We have Shawn Mac Isaac who will take over as the brunch co coordinator, Allan Proulx (runner up in this year’s MOB and he’s very furry and sexy) who will be our events co coordinator. Two former board members stay on, Ben Cooper, our secretary and last but certainly not least Marcel Forget who will take over as treasurer. This is a great team and I encourage you all to contact them and share your thoughts and ideas to grow the OOB (oursottawabears) in the years to come. Visit the website at www.oursottawabears.com.
I’m sure 2009 will be the year that the bears in this city take over Ottawa! Grrr I can’t wait. We need to get this City out of hibernation. Until next time.
Big bear hugs,
MOB09

Check Please!

I had my first official public function last Friday and that was to present a check to Prink Triangle Services. The Ottawa Bears raised funds by selling 50/50 tickets for PTS during the Mr. Ottawa Bear competition on January 17th so it was our way of giving back to the community and to such a wonderful organization. Thank you Wes and to everyone at Pink Triangle Services. I look forward to working with you this year. (please check out their website at www.pinktriangle.org).
It seems that in these difficult economic times everyone is looking for a little something. Usually in form of cash of check.
There is nothing wrong with that. I'm a beleiver of those who CAN give and those who don't know that there is no shame in taking so long as you give back in some way.
Every company today is cutting back. Every job and function and spending account is being scruitinized. I find that charities and not for profit will suffer at the hands of the current recession. Economist already predict that thousands of not for profit organizations in our community will suffer their demise over tight purse strings.
Then there is the GLBT community. Often you will hear people say: "The gays have money to burn because they have high disposable incomes". Great if you don't have a mortgage, a husband, kids and a dog to feed.
So before you go out on a weekend binge at the pub or restaurants or you just gotta have that triple latte with half whip and chocolate sprinkles on top, be aware that your community does not always have the means to go out and do the same. There are many of us that are not fortunate to have solid employement or the right skills to make it in life.
I'm not saying stop spending. If the economy is going to survive the GLBT community can probably carry it on it's sholders!
Be responsible. Think. Act. Help. If someone asks you to spare a loonie or a toonie for a charity or a donation, give. If you see me selling 50/50 tickets and you know my money always goes to good causes, give.
Give because you can. Give because you want to and if you can't give cash then give your time.
It's not always about the money. Giving back comes in many ways.
I'm always grateful to those who gave to me when I needed it the most. I paid them back and those who didn't want to be paid back, I made sure someone else in need got my check...
A buck really does go a long way.

Until next time,

MOB09