What it means to be versatile

Ok so I’ve been pondering this for some time and quite frankly I’m lost with the whole notion. Throughout my million chats along all sorts of sites, I’ve encountered all sorts of men in the bear world but one thing confuses me. It seems that we as bears have a hard time pin pointing our sexual position. Are we Tops, Bottoms or Versatile? The first two seem self explanatory enough and I find these types of bears very secure and confidant in their quest for sex. But there also seems to be some form of sub group amongst them. So I’ve dissected the Tops, the Bottoms and those funny creatures who call themselves Versatile men into three groups. And here they are:

The Top

True Tops: I always pictured a Top to be a very dominant and aggressive man sexually. You know who you are. The one who flips you over in bed before you even have time to take off those sexy Calvin’s! It’s either that or you’re having a close encounter with your ankles! You may hear yourself say: “Wow, I’m flexible after all!”

But then to confuse matters there are tops that are somewhat submissive. They like to fuck however don’t really want to be dominant. I call them:

Lazy Tops: They would rather you do all the work. This guy sort of expects you to earn it. You often hear this guy say: “Hey why don’t you hop up on this buddy”, or “Don’t be shy. Let me lie back here while I watch you do all the work. ” I mean really.

Now when you think it can’t get any more confusing with these guys there is one more:

Flop Tops: Well they say they’re tops but then they change their mind. Seems they always get a case of the I-want-to-try-to-bottom-for-my-first-time-and-I-want-to-do-it-with-you syndrome. Ya! Like I would ever be the first in THAT tunnel of love.....

The Bottom

110% Bottoms, aka the dead fuck: Seriously. This type of guy puts his butt in the air and waits. Don’t ever have outdoor sex with this guy because if it rains, he’s bound to fill up and float away! I had to ask a guy once what 110% bottom meant. He said he does not provide oral service and prefers none to be performed on him. He is there for the explicit pleasure of receiving anal sex. Wow... BOARING! Honey they call it dead for a reason!


Basic Bottoms: They do all the stuff tops do except they receive. Easy enough right? I also find these guys want to make you breakfast in bed... hmm weird. They do make a nice omelette though...

The aggressive Bottom: Bless these men. Ha! Ha! They are dominant, aggressive, take the lead and then take it! Rest assured they confuse Tops and tend to want to lead the way. Most Tops will oblige but in the end they always show the Bottom who’s in control. They tend to be the butt of all jokes. (Yes pun intended)

The Versatile

Ok, there is only one category for this guy. Bottom. Period. I’ve never met so many men who claim to be versatile and they are TOTAL Bottoms lol. If you pair up with a mate to have sex and he says: “I’ll go first then I’ll do you after” chances are you’re not getting any. In all fairness there are true versatile men out there. A buddy of mine from New Brunswick and his partner flip flop every night as they claim to be 100% versatile. They take turns. Every night. But then I thought about that and the fact that they’ve been together for 10yrs and I think it’s a bit odd. I mean what happens if one of them wants to be the bottom but not the top the next night? What do you do when you both want to be the bottom? Draw straws? Do you start keeping track? “Ok, so I’ve bottomed three times this week, you owe me!” It’s all so clinical and complicated now. Personally I can’t see myself keeping a “fuck sheet” beside my night stand with the lube and the poppers! Noticed how I forgot to ask about the fact that they are still having sexy every night after 10 years? A smell a follow up story there...

So to wrap up let me say this. Does it really matter? Are we not all out to have fun, safe and healthy sexual relationships? I don’t think of Bottoms as less male than their Top counterparts or vice versa. The Versatile guys well... you need more work. Maybe some therapy would help work out the lack of nurturing parental needs while growing up? Or what I like to say to guys who are a bit up tight; “You need a good fuck!” At any rate we should all show some versatility in our interaction within our sexual community. Worry less about finding what box fits you and focus more on how many boxes you can fit into!
Until next time, Top of the mornin’ to ya and Bottom’s up or maybe a bit of both!

Big warm bear hugs,

MOB09