Well time’s up! After 18 months of representing the Bear community, it’s time for this Mr. Ottawa Bear to step down. What an insane 18 months! So much has gone on and I don’t know where to start let alone remember everyone and thank them. But you know me I love to write so I’ll do my best!
I’ve learned allot about myself in the past 18 months. I found out just how much patience I need and how hard it is to always smile and welcome everyone even though I didn’t feel like it sometimes. There were some points in the year I was either, hosting, attending, representing, fundraising for 4 or 5 groups in the same weekend. If I offended anyone by not being polite and giving you a hug then I is so sorry. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about you bitches who came to me with your problems and your relationship issues... Seriously! HAHA! But it was a blast!
So here are the thanks!
To the bears from MOB and who look after the community, a big THANK YOU! To the guys at Sugar Bear weekend in Montreal both past and present, To Evenours. To both Mr. Leather Ottawa’s, MLO 2009 Brendan McGovern and especially to MLO 2010 Mike Tattersall, I cannot thank you enough for all you’ve done for the Bear community, the leather community and the GLBT community. You are truly an inspiration to those around you and your hard work (I hope) gets noticed. Thank you to Second Cup, After Stonewall, Swizzle’s, Dog n Pony, Club Ottawa, Dixie Landers for being Goldie Locks on our float last Pride! To Bob Forrest for all the photos, the video we worked on... I’m glad you found inspiration in there someplace...To Shock-Ra who supplied me with gear, to the former MOB’s for your help and encouragement, to all of those who attended brunch, coffee and who bought all of our shit and tickets for fundraisers. Thank you to Jay Smidt for your support and a BIG THANK YOU To Ben for being there in some critical times for MOB when it seemed like nobody else would. George, thank you for making my sash and making me look like a true Sash Queen! (hehehe). To Marcel the MOB president for keeping things together, to Matt who without you we could not have gotten some of these events off the ground. Thank you Jon, even though your stay with us was short, it was appreciated and heartfelt. To the handsome runner up and the current brunch coordinator, Francois, life would be very dull without you in it. The past boards (since I outlived 3 of them) good riddance... I’m kidding! Some of you are so sensitive.... To Bruce, Alan, Shawn, Jordan and again Ben your support during your board terms was invaluable. If I’ve not mention anyone from previous boards it is for reasons well known to them.
There is one final person I need to thank most of all, to my husband Randy. This man took a backseat in our relationship for the past 18 months while I did my thing. He never questioned anything, he always supported me, he attended some events he wanted to and others he felt that it was best that the husband just stayed at home. He told me once, “nobody wants to see a Mr. Ottawa Bear with their husband, they want you for themselves”. I’m not sure what I would do if I did not have Randy in my life. He’s my best friend and I love him more than he will ever know.
To everyone else.... be good. Be kind to yourselves, to your community and to the Mr. Ottawa Bears ahead of us. Community leaders take rolls on because they want to not because they have to.
I’m not sure where I’m going from here. I still have a stronghold in the community with my work as Chair of the LGBT Pride Resource Group through MBNA where I work. MBNA is a true community supporter.
They are a company who’s always put the communities they serve first. They are such a supporter of the LGBTTQ community in Ottawa. I love the work I do and what we do for our community. I’ll always be around.
So I’ll wrap it up. My blog spot as Mr. Ottawa Bear will be quiet but as the great Harvey Milk said “Hope will never be silent” I hope that I’ve given you something to think about over the past year.....what it means to be part of a family... a community... for all the good... and the bad... we will always stand united. As ONE.... That gives me HOPE.
I am truly blessed to have met you all and to have worked with many of you. Thank you for the privilege of letting me be Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009.
Big old Bear hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Aftermath of Change
It’s been a weird and crazy few months since the holidays. I usually have more time to myself and I thought I would have had a chance to blog earlier but that never seemed to materialize.
I’ve been in a funk. There is no other explanation for it. Call it the winter blues, lack of sun, hibernation, I have no idea really. I’m not depressed now so don’t be calling the shrinks and filling my prescription for Prozac!
I think it’s because things are changing. I work for a company that thrives on change. Things change annually, monthly, hell they change daily in my working world so I’ve learned to adapt rather quickly to those things. It’s everything else around me. I think it all started with a close friend, who to my surprise had her relationship turn itself on its ass in a matter of hours. Eleven years of her and her partner on the rocks over something very silly. Something about a chat site that he didn’t know about and emails to a few blokes from across the pond... seems innocent enough or at least I thought. Maybe it was a trust issue? Maybe she was not happy and that was her outlet? I don’t think I’ll understand that much but I try, because when she’s used to be he’s and now she’s are in a relationships with other he’s that had a hard time dealing with the he/she .....You lost yet....read it again.
I have other changes at home I either have to look forward to or not. I need to replace the furnace, not a fun change. We will be going to New Brunswick and rent a cottage this summer, a VERY fun change. My dog is ill and I need to put her down, a very sad change.
Recent changes to the Ottawa Bears Board. A mixed feelings change. Angus, Ben and Shawn completing their terms and stepping down from the board where tough changes for me anyway. I really should have been part of that change but Mr. Ottawa Bear does not occur this time around until August so I’m Bear Defacto until then. That’s an ok change. I don’t mind. Now the new Board and President, those are exciting changes! Good things will happen I have no doubt. I look forward to working with them.
So why do I feel sad? They say that adapting to change is similar to the grieving process. First, there is denial, then resistance, followed by acknowledgment then acceptance. For some, the process is very fast. Others, well we like to take out time. Absorb things so we make the right decision. Maybe we become content with the status quo? We don’t want to change because well quite frankly we like things the way they are. Like the old saying, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Or maybe we don’t want to change because we are afraid that we cannot adapt? That we cannot keep up with the pace so it’s best to sit back and let all the other things take over?
I guess I really don’t feel sad more than I feel a sense of disconnect. I look forward to changing things, directions, groups and boards but I also think that I know I’ll miss how it was.
Last year, I received an award for my work, time, and commitment to the LGBT community with the bank I work for and for the community. On it there is a quote from Emerson and it reads, “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path a leave a trail”.
It hangs on my wall at work and I read it every morning. It has changed my life. On days like today, I need to remember that there is nobody in front of me. There is no path. Things change. Funny how things change...
Until next time,
Big old bear hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear 09
I’ve been in a funk. There is no other explanation for it. Call it the winter blues, lack of sun, hibernation, I have no idea really. I’m not depressed now so don’t be calling the shrinks and filling my prescription for Prozac!
I think it’s because things are changing. I work for a company that thrives on change. Things change annually, monthly, hell they change daily in my working world so I’ve learned to adapt rather quickly to those things. It’s everything else around me. I think it all started with a close friend, who to my surprise had her relationship turn itself on its ass in a matter of hours. Eleven years of her and her partner on the rocks over something very silly. Something about a chat site that he didn’t know about and emails to a few blokes from across the pond... seems innocent enough or at least I thought. Maybe it was a trust issue? Maybe she was not happy and that was her outlet? I don’t think I’ll understand that much but I try, because when she’s used to be he’s and now she’s are in a relationships with other he’s that had a hard time dealing with the he/she .....You lost yet....read it again.
I have other changes at home I either have to look forward to or not. I need to replace the furnace, not a fun change. We will be going to New Brunswick and rent a cottage this summer, a VERY fun change. My dog is ill and I need to put her down, a very sad change.
Recent changes to the Ottawa Bears Board. A mixed feelings change. Angus, Ben and Shawn completing their terms and stepping down from the board where tough changes for me anyway. I really should have been part of that change but Mr. Ottawa Bear does not occur this time around until August so I’m Bear Defacto until then. That’s an ok change. I don’t mind. Now the new Board and President, those are exciting changes! Good things will happen I have no doubt. I look forward to working with them.
So why do I feel sad? They say that adapting to change is similar to the grieving process. First, there is denial, then resistance, followed by acknowledgment then acceptance. For some, the process is very fast. Others, well we like to take out time. Absorb things so we make the right decision. Maybe we become content with the status quo? We don’t want to change because well quite frankly we like things the way they are. Like the old saying, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Or maybe we don’t want to change because we are afraid that we cannot adapt? That we cannot keep up with the pace so it’s best to sit back and let all the other things take over?
I guess I really don’t feel sad more than I feel a sense of disconnect. I look forward to changing things, directions, groups and boards but I also think that I know I’ll miss how it was.
Last year, I received an award for my work, time, and commitment to the LGBT community with the bank I work for and for the community. On it there is a quote from Emerson and it reads, “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path a leave a trail”.
It hangs on my wall at work and I read it every morning. It has changed my life. On days like today, I need to remember that there is nobody in front of me. There is no path. Things change. Funny how things change...
Until next time,
Big old bear hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear 09
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The end of a decade...
As I sit back and reflect on 2009 I can honestly say I’m glad it’s over. I’m glad for a few reasons but let’s back track a bit first.
New Years Eve is always a time of reflection of the year gone by. However, this New Years Eve marks the end of the first decade of the 21st Century. 10 years is a lifetime is gay years! That’s like at least 5 jobs, 10 broken down relationships and 2 pets, 3 if you count the one lost in the break up battle. The only exception are the Lesbians, they tend to lose a U-Haul and a flannel shirt in the process! (I’m kidding of course....)
So I looked back on my personal life and the world as a whole and what has changed in the past 10 years? On the surface not allot really. I was looking at some New Years Eve pictures from 1999 and I look about the same. I just have a few more wrinkles and my goat-tee is peppered with grey. I did find a grey chest hair not long ago and did have a dream last night about someone shaving my chest but again, a blog for another time.
So while things look like they haven’t changed physically, everything around me has. In the past 10 years I moved to Ottawa, started a new job. I then met Randy and my entire life changed. I got married, became a step dad, and bought a car, a house and a dog. I met some amazing people and out of nowhere in the last part of the decade became a crazy spokesperson for the bear community. The constant thing that I noticed from New Years Eve 1999 is that the people I’m sitting with in that picture are still my friends today. I am blessed for that.
My party days are somewhat over although some of you who know me very well would beg to differ. I’m still fun at a party and I can drink most of you under the table. I just can’t get up from underneath the table after...
But some good changes happened in the world in the past 10 years. From a gay rights perspective in Canada, Bills C-23 homosexual equality rights bill passed in 2000, Bill-250, adding sexual orientation to the hate crime section of the criminal code in 2004 (a side note here, the Harper government intends to introduce legislation to remove it make it acceptable once again for hate propaganda towards gays to flourish) to Bill C-38 allowing us all to legally marry in 2005. Globally, AIDS/HIV has had reduced death rate of more than 17% in the past 10 years, regretfully, the rate of infection increases.
Allot has changed around us. Gone are the days about Y2K , Napster and CD’s we now refer to all sorts of new things like TWITTER, WooT, IPOD, IPHONE, PODCAST, 911, LOST, FACEBOOK and the list goes on. We communicate much differently than we did 10 years ago and I don’t think I’ve read a hard copied news paper in 4 or 5 years.
911 changed the world forever. Not just for Americans. Bush fucked it up for everyone by declaring a holy war on terror that instilled a continuous fear into the world that I honestly do not think it exists on such a mass scale. We have a leader in Canada who is more interested in control and power than he is in the people who he was elected to govern. I want to think and hope that Harper will not push the gay rights movement in Canada back 10 years. But when you are a fascist dictator (or try to rule like one) you become very unpredictable. I have faith that we are better than that. That Canadians will decide that they can rise to the occasion and purge the Country from both government and opposition. At any rate, it will be a rough few years.
So the end of 2009 is here! Let’s see the economy tanked, allot of people I worked with lost their jobs and my income and investments took a pummelling. Good riddance 2009!
Enough about that! Jesus I sound like a crazy activist!
They are all events and moments in time forever etched into our minds and memory banks. Streams of data stored away for future reference. Welcome to the forever changing world of technology. Hmmm, technology...We can store data faster than a blink of an eye yet we cannot make air travel faster, safer and cheaper. Flying in airplanes seems so archaic.
I hope that 2010 ushers in more change. Globally, I hope the way we do business changes. Nationally, I think I’ve best explained my thoughts in the paragraphs above. From our community, I hope that we grow as a bear community and respect our differences and those around us. From a LGBT perspective I want to see transgender rights acknowledged in the next year. I will not make any resolutions other than to be kind to people and laugh at myself when I make mistakes. If you see me laughing you’ll know why.
I do wish you all health, happiness, good fortune and love in 2010. I know it’s mushy and sentimental but it’s honest.
Happy New Year
Big old bear hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear
New Years Eve is always a time of reflection of the year gone by. However, this New Years Eve marks the end of the first decade of the 21st Century. 10 years is a lifetime is gay years! That’s like at least 5 jobs, 10 broken down relationships and 2 pets, 3 if you count the one lost in the break up battle. The only exception are the Lesbians, they tend to lose a U-Haul and a flannel shirt in the process! (I’m kidding of course....)
So I looked back on my personal life and the world as a whole and what has changed in the past 10 years? On the surface not allot really. I was looking at some New Years Eve pictures from 1999 and I look about the same. I just have a few more wrinkles and my goat-tee is peppered with grey. I did find a grey chest hair not long ago and did have a dream last night about someone shaving my chest but again, a blog for another time.
So while things look like they haven’t changed physically, everything around me has. In the past 10 years I moved to Ottawa, started a new job. I then met Randy and my entire life changed. I got married, became a step dad, and bought a car, a house and a dog. I met some amazing people and out of nowhere in the last part of the decade became a crazy spokesperson for the bear community. The constant thing that I noticed from New Years Eve 1999 is that the people I’m sitting with in that picture are still my friends today. I am blessed for that.
My party days are somewhat over although some of you who know me very well would beg to differ. I’m still fun at a party and I can drink most of you under the table. I just can’t get up from underneath the table after...
But some good changes happened in the world in the past 10 years. From a gay rights perspective in Canada, Bills C-23 homosexual equality rights bill passed in 2000, Bill-250, adding sexual orientation to the hate crime section of the criminal code in 2004 (a side note here, the Harper government intends to introduce legislation to remove it make it acceptable once again for hate propaganda towards gays to flourish) to Bill C-38 allowing us all to legally marry in 2005. Globally, AIDS/HIV has had reduced death rate of more than 17% in the past 10 years, regretfully, the rate of infection increases.
Allot has changed around us. Gone are the days about Y2K , Napster and CD’s we now refer to all sorts of new things like TWITTER, WooT, IPOD, IPHONE, PODCAST, 911, LOST, FACEBOOK and the list goes on. We communicate much differently than we did 10 years ago and I don’t think I’ve read a hard copied news paper in 4 or 5 years.
911 changed the world forever. Not just for Americans. Bush fucked it up for everyone by declaring a holy war on terror that instilled a continuous fear into the world that I honestly do not think it exists on such a mass scale. We have a leader in Canada who is more interested in control and power than he is in the people who he was elected to govern. I want to think and hope that Harper will not push the gay rights movement in Canada back 10 years. But when you are a fascist dictator (or try to rule like one) you become very unpredictable. I have faith that we are better than that. That Canadians will decide that they can rise to the occasion and purge the Country from both government and opposition. At any rate, it will be a rough few years.
So the end of 2009 is here! Let’s see the economy tanked, allot of people I worked with lost their jobs and my income and investments took a pummelling. Good riddance 2009!
Enough about that! Jesus I sound like a crazy activist!
They are all events and moments in time forever etched into our minds and memory banks. Streams of data stored away for future reference. Welcome to the forever changing world of technology. Hmmm, technology...We can store data faster than a blink of an eye yet we cannot make air travel faster, safer and cheaper. Flying in airplanes seems so archaic.
I hope that 2010 ushers in more change. Globally, I hope the way we do business changes. Nationally, I think I’ve best explained my thoughts in the paragraphs above. From our community, I hope that we grow as a bear community and respect our differences and those around us. From a LGBT perspective I want to see transgender rights acknowledged in the next year. I will not make any resolutions other than to be kind to people and laugh at myself when I make mistakes. If you see me laughing you’ll know why.
I do wish you all health, happiness, good fortune and love in 2010. I know it’s mushy and sentimental but it’s honest.
Happy New Year
Big old bear hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Tis’ the Season
December rolls around and all the mayhem and craziness about the holidays seem to impact us all. I was in line waiting to pay for lunch the other day when I overheard a customer say to another, “You cannot not have a tree! It won’t be Christmas”. What the hell did that mean? I guess for this lady Christmas only came if you had a tree.... I so wanted to turn to her and say” Honey I know plenty of things that come without a tree and yes there is allot of Oh Jesus, Oh My God involved”. That’s the extent of my religious beliefs!
Speaking of and without getting all religious on everyone, December is indeed dominated by several denominational holidays. From Bodhi Day to Hanukkah, Santa Lucia Day to Al Hijra to Christmas we seem to identify with all of them. But I set all that aside and think of what it really means and it’s about giving. OK dirty people I’m not talking about blow jobs in a back alley on a Saturday night next to CP’s. Although I think I’ve done that a few times...but I was drunk and he said he liked me! What was I saying? Giving. Well ok giving and receiving during the holidays works as well... Again, I know exactly where you're all going with this so let’s just get it out of the way now shall we.
Some of us like to give. Some of us like to receive. Some of us figure if we give a little we will get allot and then there are others that just want it. Sort of like I’ll kiss you and you can blow me. Or I’ll have sex with you if you pay for brunch!
Enough of that! So I reflected upon the year just passed and thought about my friends and co workers and the community. I hope I was able to give enough this year? I worked hard, I played just as hard and I tried to make the community we all take part in a better place. Could I have done more? I’m sure I could have. With more resources, more money, more people but I’m happy with what I did. And what did I receive in return? A thank you! Thank you from allot of you, from friends and family and co workers. That has meant more to me than any gift or card.
Too many people give in order to receive more or get noticed or whatever it is, they want something in return. I just give because I have a passion for things I do.
So however you may celebrate this December do it with the intention of giving something to someone. Whether you give your spot in line for the person who only has “one item to pay” or let the person drive out who’s been waiting forever to get by or even send a card or an email to someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Do it not to get something out of it just do it because you want to.
My favourite day in December is the 21st. Many of you may find this odd. It is of course Winter Solstice. For me personally it marks the beginning of the lengthening of days into summer. Ironically it is the shortest day of the year (sun wise) but I always feel like it’s a new beginning. That in this mad crazy world we live in there is always a new day.
A new day to discover and learn something new... and that for me is the best gift of all!
Big old Bear Hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009
Speaking of and without getting all religious on everyone, December is indeed dominated by several denominational holidays. From Bodhi Day to Hanukkah, Santa Lucia Day to Al Hijra to Christmas we seem to identify with all of them. But I set all that aside and think of what it really means and it’s about giving. OK dirty people I’m not talking about blow jobs in a back alley on a Saturday night next to CP’s. Although I think I’ve done that a few times...but I was drunk and he said he liked me! What was I saying? Giving. Well ok giving and receiving during the holidays works as well... Again, I know exactly where you're all going with this so let’s just get it out of the way now shall we.
Some of us like to give. Some of us like to receive. Some of us figure if we give a little we will get allot and then there are others that just want it. Sort of like I’ll kiss you and you can blow me. Or I’ll have sex with you if you pay for brunch!
Enough of that! So I reflected upon the year just passed and thought about my friends and co workers and the community. I hope I was able to give enough this year? I worked hard, I played just as hard and I tried to make the community we all take part in a better place. Could I have done more? I’m sure I could have. With more resources, more money, more people but I’m happy with what I did. And what did I receive in return? A thank you! Thank you from allot of you, from friends and family and co workers. That has meant more to me than any gift or card.
Too many people give in order to receive more or get noticed or whatever it is, they want something in return. I just give because I have a passion for things I do.
So however you may celebrate this December do it with the intention of giving something to someone. Whether you give your spot in line for the person who only has “one item to pay” or let the person drive out who’s been waiting forever to get by or even send a card or an email to someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Do it not to get something out of it just do it because you want to.
My favourite day in December is the 21st. Many of you may find this odd. It is of course Winter Solstice. For me personally it marks the beginning of the lengthening of days into summer. Ironically it is the shortest day of the year (sun wise) but I always feel like it’s a new beginning. That in this mad crazy world we live in there is always a new day.
A new day to discover and learn something new... and that for me is the best gift of all!
Big old Bear Hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The Deal Breaker
Over the past few weeks I’ve been chatting with some bears and we got on the topic of boyfriends and what we look for in a potential mate. Well, ok let me start over. I was chatting with one sexy bear in particular. We’ll call him Mouse to protect his identity. He’s very shy and just a young guy, very cubbish and a smile that melts butta. When I say young I mean under 25. I know, for some of us, young means anyone not on a respirator but this guy is young. So Mouse is on a quest for a new boyfriend. I told him that guys under 25 should be having random sex and spending all their waking hours partying. But to each his own! So Mouse told me his potential boyfriend had to meet certain criteria. How gay of a statement. THE LIST. Oh come on we all have one. The “must haves” in a relationship are sometimes longer than the menu at McDonald’s. Hmm; “I’ll have a Mc Man with an order of Mc Tight Ass and some Mc Dick. Oh and a Mc Fuck to go!”
So Mouse’s deal breaker was a daddy bear. Easy enough I guess. He likes old dudes. Yeah like I want some old tool that needs Viagra to have fun! (This coming from a man whose blogging while listening to Debbie Gibson’s, Only in My Dreams. Who’s the old tool now!
But all this deal breaker talk got me thinking, there has to be more people who feel the same way. So in true Mr. Ottawa Bear form I sought answers from my fellow bears. Turns out we all have a list. Some very weird and some actually make sense. These are from the bears out there so don’t blame me for the strange answers! Here are my top 20 favourites:
20.BAD TEETH - Sorry brits, you need fluoride to date me.
19.THE WAY HE LAUGHS – Yeah I want to date someone who looks like Kevin James but laughs like Phyllis Diller.
18.LONG NAILS – Eeeeeewww! Ok please if you see a bear with long nails send them to Rob Myers at Celebrity Hair for a mani. Trust me.
17.SMALL FEET, BIG BODY – Jesus H. Christ who are these people?
16.HAS TO HAVE MONEY – What a shallow bear you are Eric. Shame on you!
15.NO CAPRI PANTS – The man who invented Capri’s for men should be shot. If I see you wearing them I’ll set fire to them or so help me God I will shave all your fur off. Hideous.
14.THEY HAVE TO COMMIT – If they can commit to not peeing on the floor then they’re a keeper.
13.NICE EYES – As opposed to ugly eyes? How does one...hmmm never mind.
12.WILLING TO WAIT 3 DATES BEFORE HAVING SEX –This person wonders why he’s still single.
11.TOO MUCH FORESKIN – Ok seriously honey, if you have to know then you have to bring them for a test drive and that makes you a big old ho’.
10.STRAIGHT ACTING – Isn’t it bad enough we have to live amongst them now we have to beat our wives and go on welfare?
9. ROMANTIC – It’s just not the same without the Family Guy and Burger King.
8. HAS TO BE CUTE- No wait! I want the ugly one! (Besides they usually have bigger dicks. I’m just sayin’)
7. HAS TO BE OVER 5ft4 – Don’t discriminate the Oompa Loompas! (Again big dicks. Oh please, you know it’s true!)
6. PORPORTIAL HEAD TO BODY – “Little head, meet Mr. Small feet”.
5. GOOD IN BED – Slutty! Slutty! Slutty!
4. CLEAN – Ok what situation would one be in where guys would be dirty and smelly in a bad way?
3. I’LL KNOW WHEN I SEE HIM – WTF kind of statement is that?
2. GOOD KISSER – I seriously made out with this guy that had a rough tongue like a cat and he did these little probing flicks for kisses... pointy little tongue darting in my mouth! Eeeeeeeeewwwww!
AND THE NUMBER 1 DEAL BREAKER...... THIS IS A TRUE ONE.....
1.SEMI INTELLIGENT – To me if you know your ABC’s and can read instructions to put on a condom then you’re ok. I’ll just drink allot and smile and say; “look at my shiny new boyfriend”. Clearly he has to be hot and willing to do as he’s told. We can’t have em’ too smart now eh?
As always big old bear hugs,
Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009
So Mouse’s deal breaker was a daddy bear. Easy enough I guess. He likes old dudes. Yeah like I want some old tool that needs Viagra to have fun! (This coming from a man whose blogging while listening to Debbie Gibson’s, Only in My Dreams. Who’s the old tool now!
But all this deal breaker talk got me thinking, there has to be more people who feel the same way. So in true Mr. Ottawa Bear form I sought answers from my fellow bears. Turns out we all have a list. Some very weird and some actually make sense. These are from the bears out there so don’t blame me for the strange answers! Here are my top 20 favourites:
20.BAD TEETH - Sorry brits, you need fluoride to date me.
19.THE WAY HE LAUGHS – Yeah I want to date someone who looks like Kevin James but laughs like Phyllis Diller.
18.LONG NAILS – Eeeeeewww! Ok please if you see a bear with long nails send them to Rob Myers at Celebrity Hair for a mani. Trust me.
17.SMALL FEET, BIG BODY – Jesus H. Christ who are these people?
16.HAS TO HAVE MONEY – What a shallow bear you are Eric. Shame on you!
15.NO CAPRI PANTS – The man who invented Capri’s for men should be shot. If I see you wearing them I’ll set fire to them or so help me God I will shave all your fur off. Hideous.
14.THEY HAVE TO COMMIT – If they can commit to not peeing on the floor then they’re a keeper.
13.NICE EYES – As opposed to ugly eyes? How does one...hmmm never mind.
12.WILLING TO WAIT 3 DATES BEFORE HAVING SEX –This person wonders why he’s still single.
11.TOO MUCH FORESKIN – Ok seriously honey, if you have to know then you have to bring them for a test drive and that makes you a big old ho’.
10.STRAIGHT ACTING – Isn’t it bad enough we have to live amongst them now we have to beat our wives and go on welfare?
9. ROMANTIC – It’s just not the same without the Family Guy and Burger King.
8. HAS TO BE CUTE- No wait! I want the ugly one! (Besides they usually have bigger dicks. I’m just sayin’)
7. HAS TO BE OVER 5ft4 – Don’t discriminate the Oompa Loompas! (Again big dicks. Oh please, you know it’s true!)
6. PORPORTIAL HEAD TO BODY – “Little head, meet Mr. Small feet”.
5. GOOD IN BED – Slutty! Slutty! Slutty!
4. CLEAN – Ok what situation would one be in where guys would be dirty and smelly in a bad way?
3. I’LL KNOW WHEN I SEE HIM – WTF kind of statement is that?
2. GOOD KISSER – I seriously made out with this guy that had a rough tongue like a cat and he did these little probing flicks for kisses... pointy little tongue darting in my mouth! Eeeeeeeeewwwww!
AND THE NUMBER 1 DEAL BREAKER...... THIS IS A TRUE ONE.....
1.SEMI INTELLIGENT – To me if you know your ABC’s and can read instructions to put on a condom then you’re ok. I’ll just drink allot and smile and say; “look at my shiny new boyfriend”. Clearly he has to be hot and willing to do as he’s told. We can’t have em’ too smart now eh?
As always big old bear hugs,
Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Daze of Summer
Done. The End. Summer is officially over. Fuck! Ok, so seriously it wasn’t all that bad. I mean it only rained 22 days in June. (that was the official count)
But that didn’t stop the bears in Ottawa. Everywhere I went, they seemed to have a good time. I guess summer really started in August. At least for the Ottawa Bears it did. Our logo launch at Breathless was a success and our float in the Capital Pride parade was pretty cool if you ask me. Every Pride event I attended everyone seemed to have a good time.
While on the topic of Pride in the Nation’s Capital it was actually allot of fun. It’s different than other Pride celebrations. It’s not as commercial as Toronto, yet not as liberal as Montreal. It’s one of those rare occasions that you can find something for everyone. I find people from Ottawa, the gay community included, just a tad up tight. Everyone wants Ottawa to be this great big city but nobody is quite sure how to push it forward. During Pride week, I think that Ottawa has come a long way in trying to captivate this concept. Of course it can be better. Everything can be better. If you want more, get involved. It’s as simple as that. I had a conversation with someone from the bear community who complained constantly that Ottawa had nothing to offer. In his mind, everything was boring. He didn’t like what the bears where doing, didn’t like the bars, thought Bank Street lacked atmosphere and character. Yet he rarely attended any events and yet the same coffee shop in Ottawa he said was a dump, he would frequent in Montreal. So as polite as a Mr. Ottawa Bear can be, (remember folks I’m supposed to be an ambassador for the bear community) I told him he could do one of two things. Help make the gay community something to be proud of or no longer attend functions and keep his fucking mouth shut. He chose to keep his mouth shut. Thank God. There is nothing worse than someone who complains and yet has no plan or idea to change what they don’t like. What’s changed in Ottawa this past year is that the complainers actually have ideas to change things! Thank you!
So my advice to everyone in Ottawa is to support your community. We have something to offer. We are not Montreal. We are not Toronto. Ok, come on, do you seriously want to live with 4 million people? Go right ahead. You love the night life in Montreal? Then go on weekends. But trust me; these cities have the same bullshit and the same drama as any other city. I think Ottawa has finally figured some things out about itself. It needs to have something unique to attract people. We need to make Ottawa a city that you want to stop off on your way to Toronto or Montreal. What that is remains to be seen but we’ll get there.
A village you say? I don’t know. I’m a suburbanite now. I no longer take part of a downtown core and I always believed that we could live amongst the breeders. We still can. I don’t look at quarters or districts or ghettos. They are terms most people seem to fear. I look at a village as a pocket on a coat. Every pocket serves a purpose to the coat. As a coat, the pockets hold certain things for specific occasions. Ottawa is just that. Little Italy, China Town, The Glebe (fuck I can’t believe I’m calling the Glebe useful) and why not a village? So what if a bunch of shops or restaurants put up some pride flags and support the gay community? What’s the worse than can happen? People will actually make use of section of the city. Gay peoeple will wander the streets amongst the straights... I thought they did that already so what's the big deal? Personally it’s fun to go for coffee when the crowd is a little on the queer side and the music is either Judy or Billie Holiday. Come on, be gay for one afternoon! I have faith in the good gays of Ottawa. They’ll get it right. It may take time but they’ll get it right eventually. We have to start someplace.
So I guess this summer was a learning experience for me. I attended as many functions and events as I possibly could in different segments of the gay community to get a better handle on what makes Ottawa tick. But then I realized at the end of my journey that what makes Ottawa tick is me. It’s me and you and everyone around us. We really are what makes Ottawa the city it is. Our gay community is a reflection of who we are. We may not like some of it or find that we don’t identify with parts of it but we embrace it. At least I do.
It could be worse; we could all be living in Dildo, Newfoundland. Come to think of it, that may not be so bad? It’s only a jump away from Spread Eagle. Now that’s another blog!
Until next time,
Big old bear hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009
But that didn’t stop the bears in Ottawa. Everywhere I went, they seemed to have a good time. I guess summer really started in August. At least for the Ottawa Bears it did. Our logo launch at Breathless was a success and our float in the Capital Pride parade was pretty cool if you ask me. Every Pride event I attended everyone seemed to have a good time.
While on the topic of Pride in the Nation’s Capital it was actually allot of fun. It’s different than other Pride celebrations. It’s not as commercial as Toronto, yet not as liberal as Montreal. It’s one of those rare occasions that you can find something for everyone. I find people from Ottawa, the gay community included, just a tad up tight. Everyone wants Ottawa to be this great big city but nobody is quite sure how to push it forward. During Pride week, I think that Ottawa has come a long way in trying to captivate this concept. Of course it can be better. Everything can be better. If you want more, get involved. It’s as simple as that. I had a conversation with someone from the bear community who complained constantly that Ottawa had nothing to offer. In his mind, everything was boring. He didn’t like what the bears where doing, didn’t like the bars, thought Bank Street lacked atmosphere and character. Yet he rarely attended any events and yet the same coffee shop in Ottawa he said was a dump, he would frequent in Montreal. So as polite as a Mr. Ottawa Bear can be, (remember folks I’m supposed to be an ambassador for the bear community) I told him he could do one of two things. Help make the gay community something to be proud of or no longer attend functions and keep his fucking mouth shut. He chose to keep his mouth shut. Thank God. There is nothing worse than someone who complains and yet has no plan or idea to change what they don’t like. What’s changed in Ottawa this past year is that the complainers actually have ideas to change things! Thank you!
So my advice to everyone in Ottawa is to support your community. We have something to offer. We are not Montreal. We are not Toronto. Ok, come on, do you seriously want to live with 4 million people? Go right ahead. You love the night life in Montreal? Then go on weekends. But trust me; these cities have the same bullshit and the same drama as any other city. I think Ottawa has finally figured some things out about itself. It needs to have something unique to attract people. We need to make Ottawa a city that you want to stop off on your way to Toronto or Montreal. What that is remains to be seen but we’ll get there.
A village you say? I don’t know. I’m a suburbanite now. I no longer take part of a downtown core and I always believed that we could live amongst the breeders. We still can. I don’t look at quarters or districts or ghettos. They are terms most people seem to fear. I look at a village as a pocket on a coat. Every pocket serves a purpose to the coat. As a coat, the pockets hold certain things for specific occasions. Ottawa is just that. Little Italy, China Town, The Glebe (fuck I can’t believe I’m calling the Glebe useful) and why not a village? So what if a bunch of shops or restaurants put up some pride flags and support the gay community? What’s the worse than can happen? People will actually make use of section of the city. Gay peoeple will wander the streets amongst the straights... I thought they did that already so what's the big deal? Personally it’s fun to go for coffee when the crowd is a little on the queer side and the music is either Judy or Billie Holiday. Come on, be gay for one afternoon! I have faith in the good gays of Ottawa. They’ll get it right. It may take time but they’ll get it right eventually. We have to start someplace.
So I guess this summer was a learning experience for me. I attended as many functions and events as I possibly could in different segments of the gay community to get a better handle on what makes Ottawa tick. But then I realized at the end of my journey that what makes Ottawa tick is me. It’s me and you and everyone around us. We really are what makes Ottawa the city it is. Our gay community is a reflection of who we are. We may not like some of it or find that we don’t identify with parts of it but we embrace it. At least I do.
It could be worse; we could all be living in Dildo, Newfoundland. Come to think of it, that may not be so bad? It’s only a jump away from Spread Eagle. Now that’s another blog!
Until next time,
Big old bear hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
What it means to be versatile
Ok so I’ve been pondering this for some time and quite frankly I’m lost with the whole notion. Throughout my million chats along all sorts of sites, I’ve encountered all sorts of men in the bear world but one thing confuses me. It seems that we as bears have a hard time pin pointing our sexual position. Are we Tops, Bottoms or Versatile? The first two seem self explanatory enough and I find these types of bears very secure and confidant in their quest for sex. But there also seems to be some form of sub group amongst them. So I’ve dissected the Tops, the Bottoms and those funny creatures who call themselves Versatile men into three groups. And here they are:
The Top
But then to confuse matters there are tops that are somewhat submissive. They like to fuck however don’t really want to be dominant. I call them:
Lazy Tops: They would rather you do all the work. This guy sort of expects you to earn it. You often hear this guy say: “Hey why don’t you hop up on this buddy”, or “Don’t be shy. Let me lie back here while I watch you do all the work. ” I mean really.
Now when you think it can’t get any more confusing with these guys there is one more:
Flop Tops: Well they say they’re tops but then they change their mind. Seems they always get a case of the I-want-to-try-to-bottom-for-my-first-time-and-I-want-to-do-it-with-you syndrome. Ya! Like I would ever be the first in THAT tunnel of love.....
The Bottom
110% Bottoms, aka the dead fuck: Seriously. This type of guy puts his butt in the air and waits. Don’t ever have outdoor sex with this guy because if it rains, he’s bound to fill up and float away! I had to ask a guy once what 110% bottom meant. He said he does not provide oral service and prefers none to be performed on him. He is there for the explicit pleasure of receiving anal sex. Wow... BOARING! Honey they call it dead for a reason!
Basic Bottoms: They do all the stuff tops do except they receive. Easy enough right? I also find these guys want to make you breakfast in bed... hmm weird. They do make a nice omelette though...
The aggressive Bottom: Bless these men. Ha! Ha! They are dominant, aggressive, take the lead and then take it! Rest assured they confuse Tops and tend to want to lead the way. Most Tops will oblige but in the end they always show the Bottom who’s in control. They tend to be the butt of all jokes. (Yes pun intended)
The Versatile
Ok, there is only one category for this guy. Bottom. Period. I’ve never met so many men who claim to be versatile and they are TOTAL Bottoms lol. If you pair up with a mate to have sex and he says: “I’ll go first then I’ll do you after” chances are you’re not getting any. In all fairness there are true versatile men out there. A buddy of mine from New Brunswick and his partner flip flop every night as they claim to be 100% versatile. They take turns. Every night. But then I thought about that and the fact that they’ve been together for 10yrs and I think it’s a bit odd. I mean what happens if one of them wants to be the bottom but not the top the next night? What do you do when you both want to be the bottom? Draw straws? Do you start keeping track? “Ok, so I’ve bottomed three times this week, you owe me!” It’s all so clinical and complicated now. Personally I can’t see myself keeping a “fuck sheet” beside my night stand with the lube and the poppers! Noticed how I forgot to ask about the fact that they are still having sexy every night after 10 years? A smell a follow up story there...
So to wrap up let me say this. Does it really matter? Are we not all out to have fun, safe and healthy sexual relationships? I don’t think of Bottoms as less male than their Top counterparts or vice versa. The Versatile guys well... you need more work. Maybe some therapy would help work out the lack of nurturing parental needs while growing up? Or what I like to say to guys who are a bit up tight; “You need a good fuck!” At any rate we should all show some versatility in our interaction within our sexual community. Worry less about finding what box fits you and focus more on how many boxes you can fit into!
Until next time, Top of the mornin’ to ya and Bottom’s up or maybe a bit of both!
Big warm bear hugs,
MOB09
The Top
True Tops: I always pictured a Top to be a very dominant and aggressive man sexually. You know who you are. The one who flips you over in bed before you even have time to take off those sexy Calvin’s! It’s either that or you’re having a close encounter with your ankles! You may hear yourself say: “Wow, I’m flexible after all!”
Lazy Tops: They would rather you do all the work. This guy sort of expects you to earn it. You often hear this guy say: “Hey why don’t you hop up on this buddy”, or “Don’t be shy. Let me lie back here while I watch you do all the work. ” I mean really.
Now when you think it can’t get any more confusing with these guys there is one more:
Flop Tops: Well they say they’re tops but then they change their mind. Seems they always get a case of the I-want-to-try-to-bottom-for-my-first-time-and-I-want-to-do-it-with-you syndrome. Ya! Like I would ever be the first in THAT tunnel of love.....
The Bottom
110% Bottoms, aka the dead fuck: Seriously. This type of guy puts his butt in the air and waits. Don’t ever have outdoor sex with this guy because if it rains, he’s bound to fill up and float away! I had to ask a guy once what 110% bottom meant. He said he does not provide oral service and prefers none to be performed on him. He is there for the explicit pleasure of receiving anal sex. Wow... BOARING! Honey they call it dead for a reason!
Basic Bottoms: They do all the stuff tops do except they receive. Easy enough right? I also find these guys want to make you breakfast in bed... hmm weird. They do make a nice omelette though...
The aggressive Bottom: Bless these men. Ha! Ha! They are dominant, aggressive, take the lead and then take it! Rest assured they confuse Tops and tend to want to lead the way. Most Tops will oblige but in the end they always show the Bottom who’s in control. They tend to be the butt of all jokes. (Yes pun intended)
The Versatile
Ok, there is only one category for this guy. Bottom. Period. I’ve never met so many men who claim to be versatile and they are TOTAL Bottoms lol. If you pair up with a mate to have sex and he says: “I’ll go first then I’ll do you after” chances are you’re not getting any. In all fairness there are true versatile men out there. A buddy of mine from New Brunswick and his partner flip flop every night as they claim to be 100% versatile. They take turns. Every night. But then I thought about that and the fact that they’ve been together for 10yrs and I think it’s a bit odd. I mean what happens if one of them wants to be the bottom but not the top the next night? What do you do when you both want to be the bottom? Draw straws? Do you start keeping track? “Ok, so I’ve bottomed three times this week, you owe me!” It’s all so clinical and complicated now. Personally I can’t see myself keeping a “fuck sheet” beside my night stand with the lube and the poppers! Noticed how I forgot to ask about the fact that they are still having sexy every night after 10 years? A smell a follow up story there...
So to wrap up let me say this. Does it really matter? Are we not all out to have fun, safe and healthy sexual relationships? I don’t think of Bottoms as less male than their Top counterparts or vice versa. The Versatile guys well... you need more work. Maybe some therapy would help work out the lack of nurturing parental needs while growing up? Or what I like to say to guys who are a bit up tight; “You need a good fuck!” At any rate we should all show some versatility in our interaction within our sexual community. Worry less about finding what box fits you and focus more on how many boxes you can fit into!
Until next time, Top of the mornin’ to ya and Bottom’s up or maybe a bit of both!
Big warm bear hugs,
MOB09
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