The Aftermath of Change

It’s been a weird and crazy few months since the holidays. I usually have more time to myself and I thought I would have had a chance to blog earlier but that never seemed to materialize.
I’ve been in a funk. There is no other explanation for it. Call it the winter blues, lack of sun, hibernation, I have no idea really. I’m not depressed now so don’t be calling the shrinks and filling my prescription for Prozac!
I think it’s because things are changing. I work for a company that thrives on change. Things change annually, monthly, hell they change daily in my working world so I’ve learned to adapt rather quickly to those things. It’s everything else around me. I think it all started with a close friend, who to my surprise had her relationship turn itself on its ass in a matter of hours. Eleven years of her and her partner on the rocks over something very silly. Something about a chat site that he didn’t know about and emails to a few blokes from across the pond... seems innocent enough or at least I thought. Maybe it was a trust issue? Maybe she was not happy and that was her outlet? I don’t think I’ll understand that much but I try, because when she’s used to be he’s and now she’s are in a relationships with other he’s that had a hard time dealing with the he/she .....You lost yet....read it again.
I have other changes at home I either have to look forward to or not. I need to replace the furnace, not a fun change. We will be going to New Brunswick and rent a cottage this summer, a VERY fun change. My dog is ill and I need to put her down, a very sad change.
Recent changes to the Ottawa Bears Board. A mixed feelings change. Angus, Ben and Shawn completing their terms and stepping down from the board where tough changes for me anyway. I really should have been part of that change but Mr. Ottawa Bear does not occur this time around until August so I’m Bear Defacto until then. That’s an ok change. I don’t mind. Now the new Board and President, those are exciting changes! Good things will happen I have no doubt. I look forward to working with them.

So why do I feel sad? They say that adapting to change is similar to the grieving process. First, there is denial, then resistance, followed by acknowledgment then acceptance. For some, the process is very fast. Others, well we like to take out time. Absorb things so we make the right decision. Maybe we become content with the status quo? We don’t want to change because well quite frankly we like things the way they are. Like the old saying, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Or maybe we don’t want to change because we are afraid that we cannot adapt? That we cannot keep up with the pace so it’s best to sit back and let all the other things take over?
I guess I really don’t feel sad more than I feel a sense of disconnect. I look forward to changing things, directions, groups and boards but I also think that I know I’ll miss how it was.
Last year, I received an award for my work, time, and commitment to the LGBT community with the bank I work for and for the community. On it there is a quote from Emerson and it reads, “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path a leave a trail”.
It hangs on my wall at work and I read it every morning. It has changed my life. On days like today, I need to remember that there is nobody in front of me. There is no path. Things change. Funny how things change...
Until next time,
Big old bear hugs
Mr. Ottawa Bear 09